High Alert

In light of recent world-issues. The following countries have increased their security and alert levels in accordance to what is happening.

The English have raised their security level from “miffed” to “peeved.” Soon, security levels may be raised yet again to “irritated” or even “a bit cross.” The English have not been “a bit cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been recategorized from “tiresome” to “a bloody nuisance.” The last time this happened was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their level to “let’s get the bastards.” They don’t have any other level. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “run” to “hide.” The only two higher levels are “collaborate” and “surrender.” The rise was precicitated by a recent fire that destroyed the country’s white flag factory, which effectively paralyzed the country’s military capability.

The Italians have increased the alert level from “shout loudly and excitedly” to “elaborate military posturing.” Two more levels remain: “ineffective combat solutions” and “change sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

A final thought – ” Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”.

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. Credit to my dad to passing it along. If you are offended on behalf of your country…it is what it is…deal with it. :p 

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